Me as a Father...

Let me talk a bit about myself before we delve deeper into the main topic. I belong to a family of 5 siblings who have been in the era between 1950 – 1971 which means a sibling has been added every 4-5 years with the maximum age difference being 21 years. So yours truly is the baby of family and is trying his best to grow out of the shadows! The joys of being youngest are many however, with it also comes the usual “hand me downs” giveaways. But the true “joy” is the “ special bond” we have for each other which only gets strengthened as we become younger ( I will not say older ) & start appreciating life better. We all grew up in magnificent & elegant house which was spread over 3000+ sq yards with massive rooms , high ceilings and army of helpers but will leave this for another topic as today’s subject is different.

I lost my father at a very tender age of 12 so when my son was born in 2004 it was something special. Being parent for the first time it took a lot of planning to onboard the new arrival and gives him a soft landing to this world. My wife fell sick twice in her 9 months journey: once with typhoid & 2^nd time around with gastroenteritis which left me a bit nervous but they say all’s well that ends well!  I remember very vividly that the night before my son was born she complained of stomach cramps and while you have studied every possible book on labor pains identification process but when it comes then it’s all about application. Thankfully there was nothing more to it however; I dropped her at her mom’s place. In the evening I get a call that doctor would like to operate tonight as she has found a cord around his neck which in layman’s term means – Urgent & Now. So, there I go again rushing in my car with multitude of thoughts running in my head – figuring out the way to reach hospital as the area is not too familiar, will I reach on time as I had promised her that I will be with her holding her hand as she brings a new life to this world or assessing my reaction when I am in the “moment “

As luck would have it I was on time as anaesthetist decided to have a longer dinner break which worked in my favor. I was quickly whisked away by doctor to change into hospital sanitized clothes before moving to the “Room “. As I entered the room the first thing I felt was a shiver down the spine which was not due to my nervousness but low temperature in the room. Bright lights on the ceiling above the bed and there was to be mother lying motionless except for moving eyes which gave me strength covered with a sheet from head to toe smiling bravely. As I held her hand tightly I was reminded that I need to keep a watch on clock to note down the exact time of arrival which is very typical of Indian tradition and placement of stars / planets and moon plays a critical part all your life.  True to expectation as my new born was lifted like a chicken he was given a light spank it was a moment which left me “numb”. All my preparations and well rehearsed dialogue were lost in that moment of sheer pleasure of seeing your own extended self. It was lovely to see him as doctor lay him down on a small table to check and with bright light being flashed he flickered his eyes a bit and would have wondered the vagaries of this strange world where they cannot let a baby be left alone.

All through these years I have experienced many changes in myself as I have taken on this new role and have learnt many new things along with my son. The biggest learning or the change which you embrace immediately is that you immediately become more – caring, responsible & methodical in your planning.  The way you hold a baby comes naturally while you are scare the first time around but moment someone dumps it on your lap you just become a natural. You see them growing as an infant and every day they are learning something new, their little discoveries brings so much joy to us and everyone around us.  

Now as he turns a teenager next year I feel as if last 12 years have just breezed by. A couple of weeks I was in school for presentation which he had to made on Microsoft technology and I was bowled over by his speech which he gave so confidently, no sign of nervousness and mixed some good humor to capture people’s attention. All these years of nurturing, guidance has helped him to imbibe right values. It has not been easy as we can as parents truly believe that we have had our fair share of nervousness / anxiety and continue to have but maybe the intensity has gone down. Our conversations have changed and I am amazed about how much a 12 year old knows these days. I remember myself as 12 year old which was a non Google age and consider myself from Stone Age in comparison to today’s Google Kids who have much more information, more aware and way smarter.

As the clock turned to 2015 and after a gap of almost 11 years we had to get ready for our 2^nd arrival. They say in life everything cannot be planned and whatever happens for good. I can definitely vouch for this saying whole heartedly. We had our own anxiety pangs with respect to age difference between siblings, our readiness / preparedness and the dilemma of whether we can provide or give the best to both. We need to understand that we as parents always want to give best to our children. Our parents did the same and through all the hardship they gave us the best they could. But as my wife says every child comes with their own destiny and they carve a path of their own. What they definitely require is your 100% attention, warmth, care and unconditional love which money can’t buy. If you are able to provide them with this then as parents we have understood the role of a “parent “

Our 2^nd child is daughter was born in Sept 2015 and has just turned one. Everyone says this completes our family but in our mind our family would have been complete irrespective of the gender of the child. What we wanted was a healthy, happy child and we got a beautiful daughter who has brought so much happiness to our life and we wonder what took us long to become parents second time around. This time also I was inside the room but nervousness and numbness was still the same. The doctors and hospital staff were very helpful. Again I was reminded to keep a watch on the clock and I had smuggled a Smartphone inside to capture first few mins of my daughter as she is brought into this world. This time I was also smarter and kept a whats app message saved to be sent moment she is born to let the outside world know who are waiting anxiously. Technology can be a boon if we use it wisely.

These last one year have been wonderful as a parent of two kids and it is just amazing that how my son has bonded so well with her little sister. He shares everything with her – Toys, Room, Books and he is extremely affectionate as well as protective towards her like a big brother. I think this comes naturally and makes the elder brother also grow as a person. We have seen her grow from an infant who couldn’t move much to rolling on the bed to crawling gingerly and she can crawl like a professional. If there was a competitive event in Olympics I am sure she will win gold in crawling.

Lastly I would like to say that coming from a family of 5 siblings and seeing my two kids it’s important that we all have siblings. As parents our life is finite and our kids need siblings to stay connected / bond with selfless love / affection. Since, I lost my parents at young age what has kept us emotionally strong with right values has been our strong sibling support. 

So go ahead and don’t think … Just do it…. Kids come with their destiny